


High-Class Query

by Rose_of_Pollux



Category: The Man From U.N.C.L.E. (TV)
Genre: Gen, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-22
Updated: 2018-01-22
Packaged: 2019-03-08 06:34:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13452552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rose_of_Pollux/pseuds/Rose_of_Pollux
Summary: A high-society wine-tasting party leaves Illya perplexed, and Napoleon determined to find a way for Illya to enjoy the joys of it.





	High-Class Query

Illya was more than perplexed when it came to how wine tasting parties seemed to be a big, fancy thing in the United States. Not having been much of a people person, Illya hadn’t engaged in social drinking before meeting Napoleon. Napoleon, clearly, had been to these before, judging by the way he repeated the actions of the others perfectly, swirling the crimson liquid in their glasses before daintily taking a sip of their drinks. It seemed so… choreographed, almost, and, in addition to perplexing, Illya found it fascinating to see how Napoleon fit so flawlessly into this.

Then again, should he have been surprised that his partner would fit so well into high-class scenarios?

Illya did his best to imitate him, tasting the wines and offering his opinions along with Napoleon and the others. Halfway through the tasting, however, Napoleon offered his apologies to their hosts and announced that he’d had enough for the night, and he and Illya left the party, taking an evening walk in the night air, departing the hotel and heading back towards their apartment.

“You didn’t have to leave the party because of me,” Illya said.

“You didn’t seem to be enjoying yourself,” Napoleon said. “There’s no fun in it for me if you can’t enjoy it, too. …In hindsight, I should have realized there’d be too many people for you… Sorry.”

“It’s fine, Napoleon,” Illya insisted. “And it wasn’t the number people—well, that wasn’t the only factor. It was all very… awkward, don’t you think? The choreographed sniffing and swirling and sipping…”

“Yeah, there’s a certain social grace to wine tasting parties,” Napoleon said. “I remember on my eighteenth birthday, Ma took me to one—it was incredible.”

“Of course, you’d think so…” Illya mused. “But did it not strike you as odd how high-class society seems to have rules for every little thing?”

Napoleon paused for a moment, thoughtfully.

“Well, I suppose when you put it that way, it does seem a little weird to someone on the outside looking in,” he admitted. “I never really gave much thought to it, though.”

“You don’t really need to,” Illya admitted. “You fit in so well with all of these high society things. Sometimes, I wish I did, too, so that we could enjoy these things together, rather than things like this happening…”

Napoleon paused in his tracks, clearly having an “aha” moment.

“Maybe there’s a way we can,” he said, as a grin crossed his features. “Illya, you go on back to the apartment. I’ll join you there in about half an hour.”

“…What are you planning?” Illya wondered.

“You’ll see,” Napoleon said, as he cheerfully hopped into a taxi.

Illya stared as the taxi pulled away; after a moment, he shrugged, and walked the rest of the way back to the apartment, where Baba Yaga greeted him, almost questioningly, as though expecting him back later.

Illya sighed and picked the cat up, relaxing on the couch with her.

“Oh, I ruined another outing,” he sighed. “How Napoleon’s patience can be so infinite, I’ll never know…”

Baba Yaga meowed at him, as though trying to explain something obvious. Illya’s mind was elsewhere, though, but he was brought back to reality as Napoleon came in, carrying a couple of paper bags.

“Where have you been?” Illya asked.

“You’ll see,” Napoleon said. He got two wineglasses from the kitchen and placed them on the coffee table, and then proceeded to place five bottles of wine on the table.

“Napoleon…!” Illya exclaimed.

“See, there is a way we can enjoy a wine tasting party together!”

Baba Yaga looked at Illya with a satisfied expression and then looked back at Napoleon, meowing at him.

“Of course, my dear, I didn’t forget you,” Napoleon insisted, pulling out a catnip toy. “There—now we can all indulge.”

The Mau eagerly accepted the catnip toy and proceeded to roll around on the floor with it as Napoleon and Illya enjoyed their own, private wine-tasting party, with no rules other than their own.

It was one of the most enjoyable nights Illya ever had.


End file.
